love & [reflection]

Ya’ll.

It’s about to be 2019.

Like a year away from 2020.

Whoa.

Years ago, a couple of best friends showed me the importance of reflecting at the end of seasons, and I haven’t looked back. It’s one of the coolest things! And man, has this year been a year.

I have probably cried more times this year than I have in my life. (Well, maybe not when I was a cute little infant baby.) But this year, I had to acknowledge depression and anxiety, look them in the face, and say “you’re not going to swallow me whole”. And decided to go to counseling. Which is still a strange thing to say out loud.

But gosh, this year I’ve also experienced some of the deepest joy in the formation of friendships and servanthood. I’ve learned how to celebrate friends, and TRULY celebrate them. Like burst at the seams with excitement of how much they are killing the game of life, even when I don’t feel like I’m doing the same. I’ve had some of the best conversations, filled with honesty and truth and encouragement and straight up vitality. And I think I’ve loved people really well this year. I showed up when I could and when I didn’t feel like it and when it meant the most. And I’ve told people that I love why I love them. And why they are important.

This year sucked in a lot of ways, but when I count up all the sweet things, I see fortune instead disfavor.

At the end of the day, life is hard and surprise! – it only gets harder. BUT here’s a charge:

Keep showing up and keep loving people, always. “What’s done in love is well done” is one of my favorite quotes because it holds true.

Keep your favorite human beings close to your heart, and take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself – not just for you, but for the people around you.

Most importantly, keep trusting God. He hasn’t forgotten you, He’s always always making moves – especially when it doesn’t feel like it.

Advertisements

Something that’s been hard for me to understand. We are a pretty impatient generation. I forget that things don’t just happen overnight. When you pair that with an anxious heart, you have a very impatient human being. But there’s validity in the fact that what I may think I want right now is not what I need right now at all. And so, I wait.