love & [reflection]

Ya’ll.

It’s about to be 2019.

Like a year away from 2020.

Whoa.

Years ago, a couple of best friends showed me the importance of reflecting at the end of seasons, and I haven’t looked back. It’s one of the coolest things! And man, has this year been a year.

I have probably cried more times this year than I have in my life. (Well, maybe not when I was a cute little infant baby.) But this year, I had to acknowledge depression and anxiety, look them in the face, and say “you’re not going to swallow me whole”. And decided to go to counseling. Which is still a strange thing to say out loud.

But gosh, this year I’ve also experienced some of the deepest joy in the formation of friendships and servanthood. I’ve learned how to celebrate friends, and TRULY celebrate them. Like burst at the seams with excitement of how much they are killing the game of life, even when I don’t feel like I’m doing the same. I’ve had some of the best conversations, filled with honesty and truth and encouragement and straight up vitality. And I think I’ve loved people really well this year. I showed up when I could and when I didn’t feel like it and when it meant the most. And I’ve told people that I love why I love them. And why they are important.

This year sucked in a lot of ways, but when I count up all the sweet things, I see fortune instead disfavor.

At the end of the day, life is hard and surprise! – it only gets harder. BUT here’s a charge:

Keep showing up and keep loving people, always. “What’s done in love is well done” is one of my favorite quotes because it holds true.

Keep your favorite human beings close to your heart, and take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself – not just for you, but for the people around you.

Most importantly, keep trusting God. He hasn’t forgotten you, He’s always always making moves – especially when it doesn’t feel like it.

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thankful.

for the simplicity life can offer.

for a quiet night in where I can learn how to knit.

for the opportunity to start a new show on Netflix.

for being able to go out for a drink with my friends.

for a car and a parking spot that’s not far.

for the fact I can sit in my room in peace.

for not having to fear being displaced from my home.

for not being in an area where war is happening.

for not having to worry about my next meal.

for making it through the semester without giving up.

for getting paid extra by doing very little.

for a mom who helps me out when I’m struggling financially.

I know how to be positive. I try to take the time and appreciate the small things in my life. I love celebrating little triumphs, even if it’s finding $5 or completing something on my to-do list. When life is good, I’m good. But there are those seasons when life isn’t so good. In tough circumstances, I am neglectful, reclusive, and negative. I give up so easily, I don’t ask for help, and I get pretty ticked at God for not doing what I asked or wanted.

There are always going to be bad times where smiling, laughing, and rejoicing won’t feel right. Life is not catered to us. It’s important to smile now, laugh now, rejoice now, in the joys and simplicity of life. Take a moment and be thankful for the good things around you, in whatever situation you’re in. I’m working on it too.