Some of my post-grad days are really good. I love the days when I’m off and get to spend time reading a good book, or when I get lunch with close friends I haven’t caught up with in a while. When I take a trip with my family, or dress up to go somewhere on a Saturday, I’m think to myself “life is really fun”. But some days just aren’t. Some days, I make mistakes or give the wrong answers at work and have to talk about it. Some days I get home at 9 because I didn’t manage my time well and have to wake up at 5 am to do it all again. Or I have to cancel dinner plans with a friend for the 3rd time because I’m just too exhausted and go more weeks without seeing them. It stinks.
I don’t feel hopeless, but I don’t feel at peace either. I’m stuck in between.
So to motivate myself, I just rush through life. Which I think we all tend to do. We all “can’t wait” for the week to be over, or for summer to come, or for a marriage to begin, or for the next paycheck. We are always looking for the next thing because we have this urge for more of something. More security, more love, more satisfaction. But we’re always left wanting more afterwards.
For the past 2 months, I’ve been listening to this really incredible album by King’s Kaleidoscope called The Beauty Between. It’s an album about being present where you are, in the “between” parts of life – right in the middle of two extremes. About how everything is not black or white, so you kinda just hang out in this gray area. About how not everything makes sense, or is defined, or is even planned to expectation, and how uncomfortable that can be. But as the album goes on it shares, quite melodically, how beautiful those parts of life are still.
While I don’t feel like my mundane life is beautiful all the time, I’m reminded that I’m merely wrong, and that it is. How beautiful is it to laugh and to cry and to ask questions and to know the answers and to fail and to succeed. How beautiful it is that going to work at 6 am means seeing the sunrise and that near or far, I still have friends that feel like sunshine.
There’s so many gaps and deficiencies in life and we simply can’t fill them all in. I feel like I’m dosey-doeing through them, but luckily I’ve got a faithful dance Partner.
I fortunately fall into the beauty between.